Bragging Rights

Last night was a less than fantastic night with the boys. Shawn had some important meetings this morning so I promised to let him sleep unless I REALLY needed help. Let's just say that it got to the point where Austin was screaming, I'm crying right along with him, deciding whether or not to give up and put him in the car and go for a drive a 2:30 am. The only thing that stopped me was that I wasn't sure how much gas I had in my car and I was too tired from trying to calm two little guys down for the past 6 hours. In reality, they aren't bad babies. But whenever they have a bad day or night I end up questioning my mothering skills. Basically if they don't sleep well one night, I assume that something is wrong with me and I'm a bad mother. So I decided that I needed a bragging list to remind me that some good things have happened over the past 5.5 weeks, I'm not a bad mother, I do some things right and that for the most part, I have good little boys.

1. I am successfully nursing two little hungry boys. Every time we go into the pediatrician's office and he asks if I'm still nursing and I say yes, he is always so proud of me. Austin was 10lbs and Isaac was 8lbs last week. So, during those moments when nursing AGAIN is the last thing I want to do, I hold on to the fact that I am doing these boys a world of good by sticking it out.

2. To go along with #1, one of my greatest accomplishments in the last 2 weeks was learning how to feed them at the same time, BY MYSELF. I have always been able to feed them simultaneously with help from Shawn. But the day I figured out how to do it all by myself, opened up a whole new world of speedier feedings when I'm alone.

3. I've never been one to weigh myself a lot, but nursing two babies really does help the twin weight come off. As of today, I am officially below my weight at my first OB appointment. Considering I gained just under 50lbs (I can't believe I'm admitting that), it is a relief that it didn't stick around too long. No, my body is not back to it's normal shape but it's nice seeing the scale down back to where it should be.

4. Going along with #3, I started wearing normal pre-maternity pants this week. No, I'm not back into my cutest stuff, but wearing anything without a belly panel is an accomplishment in my book.

5. I am learning to accept help from people that I hardly know. We've had ward members sign up to come over to our house and help me here and there during the day. At first it was always people I knew pretty well. But lately I'm touched that people I've talked to maybe one time before, have come over and stayed for hours. It definitely has made me anxious to serve others when I'm able to.

6. I've learned to let some things go. There have been a few nights where I've gone to bed without doing dishes or folding laundry. It drives me nuts, but I'm trying to prioritize more.

7. I am not missing my job as much as I thought I would. Before the boys came I had written a draft for a post about letting go of being a career person. I thought it would be a lot harder than it has been and I was preparing for the worst. My self-esteem was based a lot in my success at work and I worried that I'd feel lost without it. I think working from home the last 6 weeks before delivering helped prepare me for the adjustment. And, thankfully since then my life has been completely consumed by these little guys and I hardly think about work. But since I plan on working part-time from home starting mid-May, I can't completely let it go.

8. Our boys are awesome and healthy. We found out a few weeks ago that they did have twin to twin transfusion. The doctors weren't sure until they did some testing on the placenta. Hearing that, made me so grateful that the boys are doing good and that we decided to get them out when we did and how we did. We were scheduled to have a C-section on the 15th of February. It scares me to think what would have happened if we had waited until the 15th. There could have been NICU time and maybe we wouldn't have come home with our sons. But we have had great doctors and specialists helping us make good decisions. And we've had the Spirit helping us feel good about those decisions.

And just to finish the post... check out this ridiculous picture. One of the woman who came over yesterday brought the Easter bunny costume from the ward Easter egg hunt.