Eat, eat... Grow, grow
Italians are big fans of eating and growing. I'll never forget this little man in my first area telling me that when I came to Italy I was "skinny skinny." (They hold up their pinky finger to emphasize how skinny someone is. No, I was not that skinny, but he was old and probably half blind.) And then he said, "But now you are fatter!" He tried to convince me that it was a good thing that I was fatter. I was a little annoyed and told him that I was fatter because we ate at their house too much. He just laughed probably because he knew it was true.
I've thought a lot lately about Italians and Latin cultures in general and how they are more comfortable discussing size, or rather they don't think it's rude to tell someone they are too fat or too skinny. In America this is only okay if you are speaking about children. There is some pride that comes with a baby's weight gain. And on the flip side if someone tells you that your baby is small...it's seriously offensive. I think this is something that just comes as soon as you become a mother. For example, I went to a party a few months ago. Someone there had a little boy about a month younger than my boys. When we got there she asked how much they weighed. Her little boy weighed as much or more than them at the time. I know she wasn't being mean or trying to offend me. But, what did I do? I immediately mentioned that her baby was probably that big because he was formula fed. Seriously, what is my problem? Where did this mean streak come from? I do not think any less of her or her child for being on formula. But some awful motherly instinct came out because I thought I needed to defend my boys and their small size.
Another time we were at a birthday party for a friend. Their 9 month old baby is a big baby. Every time the wife saw one of our boys she just kept saying how little they were. She wanted to hold them because they were so little. I was seriously annoyed the entire night. I have since realized now that she probably meant that they were younger and just littler than her older baby. And smaller babies are fun to hold because they don't want to crawl and move everywhere. But at the time I was seriously bugged at her comments.
My boys aren't that small. I'm learning to let go of my need to explain why they aren't giant children. (With Shawn's size people expect them to be really tall babies) They're actually pretty normal sized. And here are some pictures to prove it. They are 5 months old as of yesterday. Crazy!
18 comments:
Brooke, the boys are SO cute! If people think Austin and Isaac are little then they should see Tori. At 2 months she was 9 lbs. 7 oz. and 23 inches. Some babies are born weighing this much. I wonder if the prideful weight thing is a boy vs. girl thing. Everyone tells me Tori is small and I don't get offended. I wonder if I would if she was a boy. What do you think?
I'm not sure I'll ever get over my issues with this, and having twins definitely isn't going to help me. A always tells me to lighten up about stuff like that, but I think it's just a natural instinct, born out of those stupid growth percentages they give us at every appt. I really hate those.
On the flip side, hurray for more pics of the boys. Wish they would have been happier last night so I could have played with them more. :)
I think it's more because Shawn is a big guy that bigness is expected in your offspring. As for the meanness and formula invective, I don't know where you get that, but motherbear streaks run deep and are rarely explainable. But the boys are WONDERFUL. I miss them so much. And yes, I would probably deck someone who asked my weight in casual conversation, but I can see it coming up among men. Maybe they're all just secretly Latin . . . (oh and brasil was the same way. They were appalled that I actually lost weight on my mission, as if they had been bad hosts and starved me or something, but walking up and down steep cobblestone hils all day in 100+++ heat and humidity really does melt off the pounds.)
Thanks for the new pictures. I was just thinking today that I'd love to see their 5 month pictures.
They are adorable AND just right. I think people will ask you what they for a long time now. I noticed people were asking Kathy and Stuart how much Nephi weighed now and commented about how big he is. Someone at Church thought he was two and he won't be two till the 20th. Don't get offended. I think people are curious and just want to know. I'd like to know how much they weigh now just to know how well they are doing. And look what you've done Brooke. Nursed twins and they are doing fantastic. Can't wait to see them again soon. Love Grandma S.
Okay, maybe I have small kids so my point of view is off but your boys don't look small to me at all. They look just right!
Oh and you might want to get used to the whole weight question about kids...it doesn't stop! People are still asking me what H weighs and he is 5!
Your boys are so HANDSOME and HEALTHY looking! They are just so cute! I don't even know what my kids weigh. I'm just happy they like to eat vegetables and play outside!
hmm. I've always had pretty big babies and I love them, but I also love the tiny little babies! THey are so cute! And since I don't get to experience it much, I always love how tiny other babies can be! After reading this, I know I'm totally guilty of this - especially with my nephew who was born 4 lbs smaller than Kyle 2 days earlier. And thinking back, I can remember my sil and bil "definding" his size and how much he'd gained...BUT I hope i never offended them or anyone else, because the comments about smallness are compliments and just talking about how adorable the baby is! And on the other hand, I feel myself defending how huge my baby is to people!
I hear you. I do think it's different for boys and girls. People don't think girls should be too fat even as babies. I was a little offended when a lady at church told me how huge Naomi was first saying she was "huge" and then adding, "She's as big as my 3 year old." Ummm, thanks. So you're saying she's a little overweight... People just need to keep their comments to themselves. Oh, and even if Sam makes a comment about her funny belly button I tell him that she is perfect.
Man, you sure sparked some comments with this topic! Unfortunately, I think it's human nature to compare with each other. I agree with all mentioned...you're kids are perfect the way they are! A TON of people comment about Logan being small. It never really bothers me. However someone once called him a girl and I was surprised at how tartly I corrected the nice lady! I guess we all have our quirks!
I must have been asleep or on drugs (for my arm) when I made my comments. The corrections in ( ).
Thanks for the new pictures. I was just thinking today that I'd love to see their 5 month pictures.
They are adorable AND just right. I think people will ask you what they(weigh)for a long time yet. I noticed people were asking Kathy and Stuart how much Nephi weighed and commented about how big he is. Someone at Church thought he was two and he won't be two(one)till the 20th. Don't get offended. I think people are curious and just want to know. I'd like to know how much they weigh now just to know how well they are doing. And look what you've done Brooke. Nursed twins and they are doing fantastic. Can't wait to see them again soon. Love Grandma S.
This post made me miss the fun and intriguing conversations we had while playing house together! :) I remember this specific topic and I'm glad you've finally blogged it.
Its funny too, because even though I'm not a mother, I'm totally partial to certain parenting choices... like breast feeding. Greg's sister's baby is really fussy and colicky and my horrible judgmental self (who doesn't really know anything about mothering) says, "well, its because she's not breast fed!" Whatever... get over yourself, Spendy! There are valid reasons why that baby is not breast fed and I just need to get over it!
And, as a side note, I think you're one of the most fair, diplomatic people that I know... and your actions as a mother are just the same!
They are cute boys, even if they can't speak Italian or even weight more than average boys. This will probably change all at once and will be lots of fun.
Okay, I read this awhile ago and came back to check out your blog and comment and Wow!. As a mother of twins, who were nursed for 6 months before my body decided to stop, I have a different view. My kids were always off the charts with their weight. So I had different comments. All I see on your cute boys are some cheeks I want to kiss and rolly thighs I want to squeeze. I think it is just natural to compare, yet not the best motherly quality to have. It is hard to conquer that habit. Austin and Isaac are adorable and again, my heart aches that I haven't even met them yet. Give them a great big kiss from their Aunt in Texas.
All of my babies have been small (the last being less than 6 lbs at birth and considered full-term). It doesn't bother me what people say because I just think "wow, I'm glad I don't have to carry around that big kid!" Yes, they fall under the 10th percentile in weight, but they are consistent, which is what really matters. And my kids were mostly formula-fed. Breastfeeding, unfortunately, didn't work out for long.
Not that this will change your motherly instincts. I was just wondering... did Shawn tell you he was average or small until about his junior year in HS? Your sons look healthy and wonderful. I miss them.
Can you forgive me? I am pretty sure that I am one of the offensive people and I am sorry. But I also understand, in a little different way. My Boy has horrible eczema and we have not been able to figure out what causes it and we can't control it during the weeks that we can't medicate him. During those weeks of uncontrolled rash I really don't like being around certain people because all they do is tell me that I should change my diet, that something I am eating is causing the eczema. At first I felt I had to explain that I was not able to breastfeed my baby, and the doctors don't believe that it is the formula causing the rash. This usually made me cry, so now I just say thanks and then stew about how you would think people would stop giving the same advice to the same person every other week, especially if the first few times they did the person cried while trying to explain to them that their advice didn't really fit the situation.
I am going to try to be better, to not offend, because I know how much unsolicited comments and advice can hurt a Mommabear. Big or Small, Perfect skin or not, it is the smile on our babies that tells us we are doing a good job.
Brooke,
Okay, so the real subject of your post is your boys. But I almost died laughing at the reminiscence of the Italian man saying, "you used to be cosi but now sei grande!" I heard that story too many times. And oh how it did sting the first few--"you were skinny, but now you're, oh, not really fat, but not thin." My least favorite thing to hear as an already paranoid sister who had the stigma of "sister" attached to her by unsympathetic, jealous elders--my brothers included. Thanks for the laugh! Did you get my emails?
One other thought. Your kids look perfect--even chubby. Do people want sumo? I liked that Maddie was on the smaller end (while still maintaining a very healthy, chubby look) because she fit in all her clothes much longer and didn't make my arms fall off when I carried her.
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